Sometimes I think I know what's going on. I think I know my life and where it's headed, and then... I hear something or experience something I never saw coming, and I think, why didn't I think or expect that!?!?!?
Tonight was one of those nights. I learned something that I did not see coming. What I learned initially felt good and made me glad that I was where I was, but then, I slowly learned and realized it wasn't so good. I was happy and then hurt. I was glad and then felt guilty. What I initially felt good about I now regret and feel bad. I shouldn't have felt that way. I should have felt sympathy... and then I got hit--or at least it feels like I got hit.
First of all, why do other's actions hurt so bad? Why can't I be confident that the best intentions were meant? Nope. That's not what I can focus on. And that hurts too. I need to let things go, and breathe. I guess I just want to know why I feel so hurt, why I just want to cry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry the initial news made me happy. I'm sorry I let the other news hurt me and I'm sorry I can't see the situation for the intentions meant. I wish I could and I know in time I will.
I think I just need to sleep on it.
