I find that many women, and I've noticed it more and more as I've gotten older, that many women lack the confidence that we should have. When did the victim mentality become so much more common? Remember the days of Murphy Brown? We were going to take back the business world. We were going to do important things. Now I'm not saying we haven't, but I think that we are falling short of where we should be.
Lately, I've noticed that all my favorite females in pop culture (TV, books and movies) are strong, good, confident women. And a lot of women in my real life are not (not all--but I know I am not). I wasn't aware of why certain characters were my favorite or why I liked some shows more than others, but then it hit me when I was watching the Sound of Music recently.
I was watching the scene where Maria returns to the house with the children after boating on the lake and Capt. VonTrapp greets them and confronts Maria about their clothes (made from her old drapes) and if the children have been climbing trees, etc. It was during their argument when I noticed how strong she was. From the first moment of refusing to blow a whistle to get the children's attention to this moment where she doesn't care at all who he is or that he is a Captain. She is so strong and stands up to him, confronting him on how he doesn't even know his own children and how no one will stand up to him. I was in awe of her courage. She was willing to "loose her job" by standing up to him because she felt so passionately about the children how they needed to be loved. She didn't cower down when he told her no. She wasn't afraid to say what she had done or how she had conducted herself.
A couple of years ago I picked up a book at Target and devoured it in a few nights. It was The Peach Keeper by author Sarah Addison Allen. It's a story centered around two very strong women. But at first they are passive and complacent in their lives. Paxton, one of the girls learns to speak up for herself and create a new life apart from what is expected of her. There's so much more to the story, but it struck a chord with me. I immediately bought the rest of Allen's books and they are all filled with wonderful, strong, complicated and amazing women characters. (I haven't picked up her new book, Lost Lake, but will very very soon.)
Another character that I love is C.J. Cregg from the West Wing. I love that character so much that when I was in college, I began the track to become the Press Secretary for the White House. I wanted to be her when I "grew up." I actually met Allison Janney once and told her that, her response was that it was a very hard job and that women should strive for those goals.
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| My sister and I at Christmas |
I have noticed that there are so many wonderful women in our pop culture--doing amazing things. But then why are most of the real women in my life so timid and scared to stand up for themselves? What ideas have we been told or what has happened to not believe that we can dare to do better?
When did being a strong woman meant that you were a bitchy woman? In my mind I feel like I can either be caring and loved or a bitch. But there is a middle. There can be a woman who is strong and confident and will be loving and caring too. We don't have to be one or the other. In fact all the strong women mentioned above, although mostly fictional, were not mean spirited or rude or harsh. They were passionate and stood for something, mostly themselves.
I look at some of the women around me in my life and I see people who are waiting for life to happen to them. I see movies where women are always secondary characters. I see women waiting for their Prince Charming to come and rescue them. I see women as victims of circumstance.
When did I become like that? What happened to where I just went along with whatever people were saying? That I just batted my eyes, smiled and went along with what everyone else was doing? No more. I will be strong in my faith. I will stand up for what I believe. No one--NO ONE can tell me that what I think or how I feel is inferior to their way of thinking. My opinions and my thoughts ARE valid.
As I write this, a few men in my life (past and current) come to mind, and I can recall situations where I've been told that I'm wrong for feeling certain ways about things, big and small. That's what happened. I worked so hard to please others that I compromised who I was. I compromised myself into a small version of who I am. Maybe this is too personal, but there it is. I have become too afraid to stand up and say, "No, it's not OK for you to talk to me as if my thoughts don't matter." "No, you cannot tell me what to do. I tell me what to do. I'm an adult." "No. I am not responsible for your feelings-so I will not be afraid to tell you what I think." I became afraid that if I said/say those things then people wouldn't like me. That they would walk away. My confidence was shaken and let me tell you, it's probably why most of those men are no longer in my life anymore. Oh but did they leave an impression. And no longer will I let that dictate my words or actions.
Maybe because I'm experiencing this revelation in my life I'm finding strong, courageous, passionate women in what I watch or what is out there. I follow an NPR blogger named Linda Holmes. She is passionate about women in media as demonstrated by this blog post from last June. Linda, though you will never read this, please know that I admire you. You are strong and funny and kind. I am so grateful for your blog and podcast and thank you for, at least, subconsciously teaching me that I am worth standing up for. My subconscious was probably processing all of this long before I watched Sound of Music last week, but that's when it surfaced.
So here it is. Find good people in your life, real or fiction, that you can look up to. That you can strive to be more like. Not in a fantasy way, but in a way that will bring out the very best of you. Women, be strong, confident, kind and courageous. We should not be afraid. If we are afraid of speaking our mind around certain people, then those people are not for us. Let that be portrayed more in movies and TV and books. May those women be celebrated and admired. May those be the women that girls want to be when they grow up.
Know that you are wonderfully and beautifully created. That you have a purpose, and who you are and what you are passionate about are important. If to no one else other than yourself, know that God created you to love and passionately care for that. So thank God everyday for making you-YOU.
Thanks God, for bringing me back.
