In Awe of Confidence

I want to be stronger.

I find that many women, and I've noticed it more and more as I've gotten older, that many women lack the confidence that we should have. When did the victim mentality become so much more common? Remember the days of Murphy Brown? We were going to take back the business world. We were going to do important things. Now I'm not saying we haven't, but I think that we are falling short of where we should be.

Lately, I've noticed that all my favorite females in pop culture (TV, books and movies) are strong, good, confident women. And a lot of women in my real life are not (not all--but I know I am not). I wasn't aware of why certain characters were my favorite or why I liked some shows more than others, but then it hit me when I was watching the Sound of Music recently.

I was watching the scene where Maria returns to the house with the children after boating on the lake and Capt. VonTrapp greets them and confronts Maria about their clothes (made from her old drapes) and if the children have been climbing trees, etc. It was during their argument when I noticed how strong she was. From the first moment of refusing to blow a whistle to get the children's attention to this moment where she doesn't care at all who he is or that he is a Captain. She is so strong and stands up to him, confronting him on how he doesn't even know his own children and how no one will stand up to him. I was in awe of her courage. She was willing to "loose her job" by standing up to him because she felt so passionately about the children how they needed to be loved. She didn't cower down when he told her no. She wasn't afraid to say what she had done or how she had conducted herself. 

A couple of years ago I picked up a book at Target and devoured it in a few nights. It was The Peach Keeper by author Sarah Addison Allen. It's a story centered around two very strong women. But at first they are passive and complacent in their lives. Paxton, one of the girls learns to speak up for herself and create a new life apart from what is expected of her. There's so much more to the story, but it struck a chord with me. I immediately bought the rest of Allen's books and they are all filled with wonderful, strong, complicated and amazing women characters. (I haven't picked up her new book, Lost Lake, but will very very soon.) 

Another character that I love is C.J. Cregg from the West Wing. I love that character so much that when I was in college, I began the track to become the Press Secretary for the White House. I wanted to be her when I "grew up." I actually met Allison Janney once and told her that, her response was that it was a very hard job and that women should strive for those goals. 

My sister and I at Christmas

I acknowledge that there are strong real women today making differences. My older sister is one. She is a great attorney and has an amazing family at the same time. I honestly don't know how she does it. I am in awe of her every day. 

I have noticed that there are so many wonderful women in our pop culture--doing amazing things. But then why are most of the real women in my life so timid and scared to stand up for themselves? What ideas have we been told or what has happened to not believe that we can dare to do better?

 When did being a strong woman meant that you were a bitchy woman? In my mind I feel like I can either be caring and loved or a bitch. But there is a middle. There can be a woman who is strong and confident and will be loving and caring too. We don't have to be one or the other. In fact all the strong women mentioned above, although mostly fictional, were not mean spirited or rude or harsh. They were passionate and stood for something, mostly themselves. 

I look at some of the women around me in my life and I see people who are waiting for life to happen to them. I see movies where women are always secondary characters. I see women waiting for their Prince Charming to come and rescue them. I see women as victims of circumstance.

When did I become like that? What happened to where I just went along with whatever people were saying? That I just batted my eyes, smiled and went along with what everyone else was doing? No more. I will be strong in my faith. I will stand up for what I believe. No one--NO ONE can tell me that what I think or how I feel is inferior to their way of thinking. My opinions and my thoughts ARE valid. 

As I write this, a few men in my life (past and current) come to mind, and I can recall situations where I've been told that I'm wrong for feeling certain ways about things, big and small. That's what happened. I worked so hard to please others that I compromised who I was. I compromised myself into a small version of who I am. Maybe this is too personal, but there it is. I have become too afraid to stand up and say, "No, it's not OK for you to talk to me as if my thoughts don't matter." "No, you cannot tell me what to do. I tell me what to do. I'm an adult." "No. I am not responsible for your feelings-so I will not be afraid to tell you what I think." I became afraid that if I said/say those things then people wouldn't like me. That they would walk away. My confidence was shaken and let me tell you, it's probably why most of those men are no longer in my life anymore. Oh but did they leave an impression. And no longer will I let that dictate my words or actions.

Maybe because I'm experiencing this revelation in my life I'm finding strong, courageous, passionate women in what I watch or what is out there. I follow an NPR blogger named Linda Holmes. She is passionate about women in media as demonstrated by this blog post from last June. Linda, though you will never read this, please know that I admire you. You are strong and funny and kind. I am so grateful for your blog and podcast and thank you for, at least, subconsciously teaching me that I am worth standing up for. My subconscious was probably processing all of this long before I watched Sound of Music last week, but that's when it surfaced. 

So here it is. Find good people in your life, real or fiction, that you can look up to. That you can strive to be more like. Not in a fantasy way, but in a way that will bring out the very best of you. Women, be strong, confident, kind and courageous. We should not be afraid. If we are afraid of speaking our mind around certain people, then those people are not for us. Let that be portrayed more in movies and TV and books. May those women be celebrated and admired. May those be the women that girls want to be when they grow up.

Know that you are wonderfully and beautifully created. That you have a purpose, and who you are and what you are passionate about are important. If to no one else other than yourself, know that God created you to love and passionately care for that. So thank God everyday for making you-YOU. 

Thanks God, for bringing me back.

Moments

In my adventure here in Colorado, I have found a new church. Mission Hills Church is great! The worship is all about God and the preaching is challenging and relevant. There is a genuineness that I have missed in church for a long time.

Since I've discovered a new church home, I've felt my heart aching to get back into being with youth. I recently tweeted that I miss all-nighters. Who would've thought that?!?! So I contacted the church and I'm currently in the process of becoming a volunteer again (YAY!).

I miss all-nighters and mountain dew comas. #youthministry #youthpastor #bestjobintheworld
— Janel C (@janelc1228) January 3, 2014

One of the questions on the application is "What are some significant events in your life that have impacted you spiritually?" As I began to think about significant spiritual events, here is what I came up with, and I wanted to share it with you.

-Going to Camp in High School and learning that God wanted a relationship with ME.

-Urbana Mission Conference where I heard God calling me to Youth Ministry.

-Going to Biola and realizing what it was that I truly believed and not settling for what I had been told to believe.

-Going to a Youth Specialties Conference and hearing God call me into full time ministry.

-Going on a mission trip as a leader and having my heart broken for the less fortunate in downtown LA.

-Going to Mexico as a leader and having students teach me about the area and being led by them.

-Being surrounded by love from my friends as my time as a Youth Pastor came to an end professionally and through that love, knowing that God was always going to care for me.

I haven't made a list like this in a long time. I ended up making a list of significant spiritual moments in my life that defined me, instead of moments that happened in my life and how those shaped my spiritual life. I'm not going to lie, I cried as I wrote this list. I wept for missing those who were there, for missing those memories. How I hadn't thought of those moments in a long time. But mostly I cried because I realized that God was there at every moment. That my life is defined by what God does. Beautiful. 

I encourage you to make such a list. I think I will print it and place it somewhere I can see each day, to remind me of God's faithfulness. 

Happy New Year.

#JanelsBigAdventure2013

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you might have noticed that I have been on an adventure. Well at least, that's how I'm stating it. My job recently moved from Southern California to Denver, Colorado, and I trusting God's providence moved away from home for the first time in my life. So now I'm a southern California girl living in the mile high city. Having lived within the same county my whole life, changing states, altitude and climate would be an adventure to anyone. Instead of being scared or regretful, I've chosen to see this as my Big Adventure and therefore, it cannot fail.

Adventures can be scary, tumultuous, hard and difficult, but adventures are never bad. I don't believe one could regret going on an adventure. Adventures are full of new experiences and memories. They shape a person's being and so this move, has been my great adventure. And here, I will write about it, vent about it, cry through it, laugh about differences and overall experience all this adventure has to offer. At the end of the day, if I find, that this is not where I should be or I don't like it, I won't regret making the decision to come here. I will always have home to return to.

In this day and age, I'm so grateful for technology and being able to stay in contact with everyone at home. I couldn't imagine moving here and not being able to FaceTime with my family and friends, or being able to document first experiences through Facebook or Twitter. I've been so enamored with snow too. I've been in snow before, but having to do everyday things, like cook, drive to work, run errands around when snow falls, it's all so new. And I know I've been posting about it a lot, but I think that when it becomes a way of life, you notice new things about it. Like who knew it was so quiet? I think I'll do a whole post on snow sometime, but for now, it's amazing!

So now this blog will have a new section. The Colorado Adventure. I will still continue to blog about travel and food and wine and singing (don't worry--I'm still going to be part of the Harborlites Chorus). But there will be posts about seasons and snow and why Denver doesn't have street lights--really Denver??

Look for #JanelsBigAdventure2013

National Park Adventures: Joshua Tree

Disclaimer: This was written several months back, but was never posted. So now I bring you the original post:

I visited a National Park I had never been to before: Joshua Tree National Park.

I have for a while now, wanted to visit this National Park. When I was in High School our youth group would go rock climbing there. Being the girly girl--and not really the athletic type, that did not appeal to me and so I'd never go. It was after High School that I began to fall in love with the parks, and really that love has grown over the last few years having discovered my love of camping.

A friend of mine wanted to go to Joshua Tree to see the meteor shower a few weekends ago. I do not do well in heat, so the idea of camping in the desert was not first on my to-do list. Yet it was with a friend, whom I love dearly, and we were going to see the meteor shower. So I packed up my stuff and away we went!

I cannot describe the excitement I felt when we pulled up to the gate--which, by the way, you get to by driving through a neighborhood--WEIRD. I know that people romanticize the national parks, but there really is something so beautiful about a piece of our land, set aside, not for resources or for profit, but to just enjoy the beauty, AND at an affordable price that anyone can pay. God Bless the USA.

Our tent in a great spot!

Sunset from our viewing spot. 

When we got to the campground we had to find a spot--it was first come, first serve, and I think we found a pretty good one. The only downside to our camping site was that we were at a campground with no running water. There's only a few sites with running water and those fill up fast. I was the only girl on the trip, and guess who was the expert in putting up the tent? That's right, ME! After the tent was put up we found a great spot high on a nearby hill to set up our camping chairs for the meteor shower.

I went to the top of the hill and started journaling with a glass of wine in my hand. Such a peaceful place. Watching the sunset happen all around was a wonderful, peaceful time, which I had been craving.

Overall we had a great time and the sky was beautiful. We didn't stay up ALL night, because well we were tired, or at least I was. Saw many meteors but wished I had seen more. Isn't that always the way?

Beautiful Cactus with the mountains in the background.

The worst part of the trip, for me, was the next morning. I so badly wanted to make breakfast burritos for the guys, but I woke up with a terrible headache. So we packed up early and drove through the park and saw wonderful sites. There was a cactus garden, old mining sites and great rock formations. I was the encyclopedia in the back seat reading about everything as we were driving by it. It's really a very beautiful National Park. I was awestruck by how many colors there are in a desert. Truly a wonderful sight everyone should see.

Next time I go, I will try to go in the winter when it's not so hot and when I can really enjoy the park and go rock climbing. And I will be staying at a campsite with running water... that's a must next time for SURE!!

National Parks

Sorry it's been a few weeks. Lots going on right now (don't worry, I'll tell you about it later). 

In the last few years I've grown to really appreciate America's National Parks. When I was a child, my family would vacation in Yosemite often and I loved it. But as and adult I've learned their history and really been loving the nature and the preserved wildlife. My love of the national parks grew when I began camping.

One of the first times I went camping, I was in Yosemite. We were camping in the Wawona campground. I can remember waking up to birds singing, seeing deer drinking across the river, staying up late talking around the campfire, sitting and talking with my friends around the campfire. But the best part is the relaxing. The enjoying your surroundings and just taking a break from everything.

Camping in Wawona along the river.

That's what's so wonderful about the National Parks. They are places where you can go and purposefully not encounter the outside world. You see these amazing wonders. The Yosemite Valley with the beautiful granite walls scattered with waterfalls. The Grand Canyon with the colorful rocks and never ending canyon.

Yosemite Valley

Grand Canyon

All of this leading up to this weekend. I will be going to Joshua Tree National Park to view the Meteor Shower this weekend. It's a National Park I have not yet been to and I'm excited to add it to my list. It's also been some time since I've been camping. Oh to be in nature again--granted it's a desert, but nature is nature! I hope to see the great rocks of Joshua Tree and the Joshua Trees themselves. What's so wonderful too, is the benefit of being in a National Park is the star gazing and experiencing the wonders of the heavens, without the interference of city lights. The views should be great! This fall I will be seeing Arches National Park and Rocky Mountain National Park too. And I'm sure you'll hear about all of them.

But now I've gotta go pack and get ready--cuz I'm going CAMPING!!!

Fall in July

Since lately my blog has consisted of a lot of the "sing!" category I thought I'd write today about the EAT part.

I love food. Oh do I love food. I love cooking and baking and sharing meals with my family. Last weekend I had the opportunity and time to just spend the entire day in the kitchen, testing out some recipes I've been wanting to try.

Huge smiles all around.

One of my favorite food blogs is The Girl Who Ate Everything. She is smart and clever. The posts on her blog range from new dishes to everyday cooking reinvented. I find myself loving the new twists on classics and I often will think to myself "Why didn't I think of doing that!?" Her recipes are easy to understand and she posts great pictures of what she cooks and the steps. I love that.

In the fall of 2011 she posted a recipe for Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins and looking through my Pinterest page last week, they looked so tasty, I just new I had to make them. I know it's the middle of summer and we usually don't eat pumpkin until October, but I figured, why not?! I went to the store hoping to find pumpkin and of course it was there. As I was checking out of the store with the pumpkin and other food for the weekend, the cashier asked "What are you going to make with the pumpkin?" I told her "Pumpkin muffins. I don't want to wait until fall. I love the flavor so why wait!"  She heartily agreed and we began to share our love of fall. I went home to make them, and as they were baking in the oven, a thunder storm rolled in. It was a perfect day!

End result of the Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins

They were a little time consuming but delicious and I will make them again. I brought them to work this week and they are all gone--so that says something!

Lesson of the Day: Don't wait for the season to enjoy your favorite flavors! It's possible to have those things all year round and I say, indulge!

After speaking with co-workers, friends, and the nice cashier at the store, I realized that we all love pumpkin flavored things. We love peppermint ice cream. We love strawberries in winter. So go out there and cook what you want when you want it.

It'll make you happy.

Happy Eating!

Shine Like Stars

Last Thursday I got to see some old friends Shine Like Stars. My friend Dale and his wife Ashley lead this amazing worship band at City Life Church in Wichita.

They began leading this band at our old church, and then they were called by God to move to Kansas. I have missed them terribly, especially because when they moved Dale and I were working together at the church and we had become good friends.

Shine Like Stars leading worship

For the last few weeks, they were touring the western part of the US and they have had quite the adventure (you can read their blog here). By the time they reached LA, they had already replaced all 4 tires on their RV at least once, due to flats in one form or another, and then their RV's transmission was shot. They were scheduled to play in Colorado last week, but weren't able to make it due to the RV being out of commission.

Our very good friend Daniel arranged for them to have a concert in Orange County. Now I don't really like using the word "concert" for what we experienced on Thursday night. It was a worship experience. They lead us all in singing worship music, that they had written most of, but it was amazing. I attended with a woman I had worked with at the church, and as we were pulling into the parking lot we saw another family that we knew, and it turned out that a lot of the people in attendance were from our old church. It was a great reunion.
As their set started, I was immediately transported back to our old church 6 years ago. It was an overwhelming feeling of opportunity, happiness and nostalgia. They played well and filled the space. They played one of my favorite songs, Just a Place. It's message is so wonderful--Christ's Church should not just exist on Sunday Mornings or in a building, but Christ's Church should be in all we do and everywhere. Here's a video I shot of them doing this song... sorry it's a little rocky--I was into the music!

If you haven't seen or heard of Shine Like Stars I encourage you to check them out. They currently have a video on rotation on the Gospel Channel and their song is being played in a few states across the country, but it should be everywhere.

They are good people and it was wonderful to see and worship with them again. I've really missed them.

And while you're at it, buy some of their music on iTunes too (I'm in the recording of Gospel Song--I'm just saying).