Thanksgiving Poem for your evening:

I Ate Too Much Turkey
by Jack Prelutsky

I ate too much turkey,
I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie,
I'm stuffed up with muffins
and much too much stuffin',
I'm probably going to die.
I piled up my plate
and I ate and I ate,
but I wish I had known when to stop,
for I'm so crammed with yams,
sauces, gravies, and jams
that my buttons are starting to pop.
I'm full of tomatoes
and french fried potatoes,
my stomach is swollen and sore,
but there's still some dessert,
so I guess it won't hurt
if I eat just a little bit more.

Claudia Jean

-This post was originally published in Nov. of 2011-

My Nana passed away a week ago. She was an amazing woman who was my biggest cheerleader and I hope to be just like her someday. I love her so much and miss her terribly. Below is what I said at her memorial service this weekend.

My Nana was an amazing woman. She was everything we should all strive to be. She truly cared for everyone and everything.

I remember so many times as a kid not wanting to go and help with meals on wheels, or cleaning the back bay or even one time we had to wash dried peppers for a group and our hands smelled for days. But now I treasure those memories because I realize that she was teaching us to give of ourselves. To take time for all in our lives.

She taught me how to be an independent woman who is strong and confident. She taught me to go after my dreams and supported every part of who we, her grandchildren, are. She went to every soccer game, dance recital, choir performance she could. Nana even came to my 8th grade promotion assembly, which was really only for 8th graders... but she was there.

But what I also remember is how much she loved. She loved all of us, and everyone she met. She loved. She loved me so much that she took me to my first USC football game. Yes. She knew I loved USC football and wanted to go to a game and she put aside that I didn’t become a CAL fan and we went to a game in the coliseum. Granted it was USC vs. CAL and I had to sit in the CAL section, but when we got there, she and I went and she bought me my first USC sweatshirt. From then on it was our thing. I’d call her every Game Day to say “Fight On!” and she’d say “Go Bears.”

She loved us for who we are and supported us fully. She taught me how to love others, and give of myself and serve those in my life.

So thank you, Nana. Thank you for all you gave me and taught me. For loving me and all of us.

She taught me so much and I could talk about her for days.

Thank you, for everything I know...

Defeat

"I need help." Those are the hardest words for me to say. I am a person who likes to do all things on their own. I like to control how things are done (especially at work) and I can't delegate. I want to, I just don't. I feel bad. I feel like I'm a hindrance to people. I feel like they roll their eyes and say, "What does Janel want now?" Or "Yeah, well, I'm in the middle of going through something, too. I don't have time for your problems." I feel like it makes me seem annoying. Like I'm too much of a problem for them. RIght now, I just want to shout, "I NEED MY FRIENDS! I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE FOR ME!!! I NEED PEOPLE TO COME AROUND ME AND HUG ME."

Youth ministry is very lonely sometimes. You're always on. You're always caring for your kids, and don't get me wrong, it's a joy to do it, but no one cares for you. No one comes to you and says, "What can I do for you?" "Hey, can we take over youth group this week, because you need to have a day off." You have to be careful what you say to parents and to the pastors. You don't want them to think you're not strong enough to care for the students, or that you're ungrateful for the job. You want them to trust you, that you can keep your cool when the kids are going crazy or going through stuff. Sometimes I think they think that youth pastors are to be like Jesus. Maybe pastors feel this way too... I don't doubt it.

I think it's really hard for me, having grown up in the church I now work at. Having been cared for by the congregation, but now I don't feel like I can ask them to care for me since I am caring for their youth. I don't get to go to service anymore and be spiritually fed. I don't have a small group, I run one of Jr. High girls. I don't have peers because all my adult interaction is with a handful of college kids, going through their own thing. No one reaches out to youth pastors.

I want to say to my friends, "I need you. Can you come over? Can you just let me cry to you for 30 minutes?" But how can I call people that never call me? How can I ask for them in this time of feeling defeated, when they're hardly there on normal days? And then there are those who live so far, and I don't talk to often, but I know I just want to hear from them, because I know they are the only ones who can help. How do you contact people like that?

I need rest, but I'm so lonely at home, that it makes it worse. How is it that the one thing I need, is so expensive? That the church can't even help out, because they don't understand the difference between taking days off and going to conferences to feel renewed and spiritually fed. That they just assume you are because you teach twice a week.

Even when I cry to God, he says, "Wait, Janel.... just wait." Ok God, but I'm going down and fast.


So I need help. I need care. I need support. I need a hug.


For I am defeated....

How Can you Help IPC Jr. High?

Look what I did:

Sean Riedl

I just wanted to write a little about a young man named Sean. Sean was a fun, bright star that always brought laughter to all around him. One of my first memories of him was when he was in the Jr. High group. We were making videos that were parodying the "Real World" and he played a boy named "Winky." That name stuck. We called him that from then on. He was small and in fact was fired from his first job at Subway because he was too small. He would be a boy who was a distraction to a youth group, but would keep the leaders laughing, so we couldn't ever really be mad at him. I remember playing "Parappa the Rapper" at his house and we'd laugh and laugh. He was one of those boys in the youth group that was always friends with girls and since I was a girls small group leader, he was always around. I loved hanging out with that group.

On Monday, Sean passed away unexpectedly. He was truly loved by all and that is apparent if you just look on his Facebook page at all the goodbye messages. He will definitely be missed by all who knew him.

I'm sorry we weren't as close in recent years, but I always felt a connection with him and that entire class. They have always been a good group of students, now adults, and I've loved to watch them grow.

For me... this has been one of the hardest things to wrap my mind around. As a fellow youth worker noted, it's so hard to outlive students. There are times, where nothing can prepare you for dealing with this. Even-though we weren't as close as we once were, I know that I always loved him as one of my kids. I ache at the thought of him being gone. Sometimes people ask me why I chose youth ministry over teaching Jr. High in public schools and it's because it's a much more intimate relationship with the students. I love them so much and I want to be a part of their lives--not just see them in the classroom but also in their lives, with their friends, family, their ups and downs. I want to know who they TRULY are. This has been so apparent these last couple days. That even-though we weren't close, it's so clear in my heart that I still cared deeply for him and I never stopped thinking and praying for him. And maybe it's through this loss that I know that these kids are not just mine in the two years they are in my youth group--I consider them my kids their whole lives. I pray that they all know this.

Lord,
I pray you be with the Riedl family. Be with Sean's brothers and help them to know that we all love them. Be with those who are morning the loss of their friend. Lord I also pray that you be with all my kids, everywhere, let them know that I love them no matter what! Thank you for being in control of our lives, for Lord we could not do this without you carrying us through the rough patches of our lives.

AMEN.