My new Adventure

This semester I have started school again. I was a little--no more than a little-- I was nervous. 

For the last 6 months or so I have been trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I had lost a career, tried at a new one and knew it was not meant for me, then lost that one too. Moved to a new state and then back and I felt lost. I kept wishing I could just have my old job back--I wanted what I couldn't have. 

Finally I thought about what it is I love doing. I love cooking. I love cooking and baking for friends and family. I love trying new recipes. I love taking old favorites and working the over and over until they are mine-and then working them over some more. 

Then it hit me. I should go to culinary school. I mean why not? And even if I'm not going to be a chef or own a restaurant, I'll at least still learn important skills. 

So in December I enrolled. And last month, I started going back to school. 

It's been a good 6-7 years since I've been in a classroom. A lot has changed. Everything is online. Even the petitioning of a class. I'm amazed at it all. Am I showing my age? There was a moment during registering that I had the thought that  the technology was beyond me. That I was getting too old for this. 

But I got through. I found my classes and I got the materials I needed. And while a lot has changed, nothing has changed. Students still circle the parking lots, frantically searching for a spot. There are those that look so very worried about what people think of them, they walk around unaware that no one is judging them. There are kids who still feel like they are on top in the High school food chain--soon realizing that we are all adults and none of that stuff matters anymore. 

And then there are those like me. Looking for a second chance. Looking to start over. 

So here I am. Daring to start over. I'm nervous, broke and dreading the hard work, late nights and tests ahead. But more importantly, I'm excited. Let's do this!!!

Basically... I saved Thanksgiving!

So this year I joined my family in Lake Arrowhead for Thanksgiving this year. We had my sister's family with us too, and both my little brothers were in town from school. It was a crowd and we had a lot of fun. We played lots of games including several rounds of Settlers of Catan (my FAVORITE game)!

Well it came time for the Thanksgiving dinner and I had made my delish appetizer that I posted about previously. It was a hit and I had a lot of left overs so I froze them. My sister had the brilliant idea of then scraping out the squash with all the yummy cheese sauce and tossing it with pasta. I'm trying it next week. I cannot wait!

Well then it was time for dinner. We had a beautiful 25lb bird and my younger brother, Andrew was asked to carve the turkey. Andrew loves cooking and has really come into being a wonderful chef. He has such a great passion, but he has never carved a bird before. I have.... so I asked him if he wanted me to help. I would carve one side and then he'd do the other. It was fun teaching him and showing him how to do it.

Across the kitchen my mother was attempting to make gravy. My mom is a great cook but she doesn't know how to make gravy... and it was not a pretty sight. So I told her, in a very kind and loving way, to step aside and I'd fix it. My sister and I used the turkey drippings (not the fat, mom!) and added flour, some pepper, fresh rosemary and it was amazing. My brother's girlfriend who was with us for Thanksgiving claimed she didn't like gravy, but I saw her take 2nd and 3rds of the gravy.

So basically, I saved Thanksgiving!

How was your Thanksgiving?

Janel's Test Kitchen

Last night I tested out a few recipes on my dad :) He's a great guinea pig! I have been watching The Chew lately and I LOVE IT! It's so funny and they have great recipes and craft ideas. It's like Pinterest on TV--really!

Awhile back they did a fall recipe that I have been wanting to try. In my head I thought it would be the perfect Thanksgiving appetizer-so finally last night I tried it. Oh man! So delish! It's an Acorn Squash Fondue.

For the recipe, go here.

It was very simple to make. And even more simple to eat! My dad and I ate it up. I am most definitely making this on Thanksgiving. Be jealous!

I asked my dad to make a cocktail to go with it and we came up with the "Grateful Jack" 2 parts Jack Daniels, 1 part Amareto, splash of Agave. Shake and pour over ice. then fill the tall glass with soda water. SO GOOD! It's my new favorite drink.

Then for dinner I made a pork loin with tomato rice from the Food Network Magazine (my favorite thing ever). I followed the recipe and it was fine... I had to take off some of the herbs because I was also cooking for my grandmother who can't eat a lot of those kinds of things. It was ok. Not my favorite. I would've seared the pork loin in a cast iron pan (another of my favorite things) and then baked it. But it turned out fine and my dad and I enjoyed it.

Then there was dessert. On my way home from Church yesterday, I had a stroke of genius. Last year when I was living in Denver, many people sent me boxes of the Candy Cane Joe Joe's from Trader Joe's. Now, if you have not had these yet, go now.... no, NOW and pick up a box. They are oreos with a peppermint filling. They're the best cookie in the world. Well I still had a box left over from last year (unopened) and because Southern California was hit with the Santa Ana winds yesterday, it felt like a good day for ice cream. So I made cookies and cream ice cream but with the Candy Cane Joe Joe's and so it was my two favorite ice creams in one! Peppermint ice cream and Cookies and Cream.

AND dang.... it was scrumptious! Seriously!

So not everything was perfect, but the two important ones were. And the drink too! That was good!

In Awe of Confidence

I want to be stronger.

I find that many women, and I've noticed it more and more as I've gotten older, that many women lack the confidence that we should have. When did the victim mentality become so much more common? Remember the days of Murphy Brown? We were going to take back the business world. We were going to do important things. Now I'm not saying we haven't, but I think that we are falling short of where we should be.

Lately, I've noticed that all my favorite females in pop culture (TV, books and movies) are strong, good, confident women. And a lot of women in my real life are not (not all--but I know I am not). I wasn't aware of why certain characters were my favorite or why I liked some shows more than others, but then it hit me when I was watching the Sound of Music recently.

I was watching the scene where Maria returns to the house with the children after boating on the lake and Capt. VonTrapp greets them and confronts Maria about their clothes (made from her old drapes) and if the children have been climbing trees, etc. It was during their argument when I noticed how strong she was. From the first moment of refusing to blow a whistle to get the children's attention to this moment where she doesn't care at all who he is or that he is a Captain. She is so strong and stands up to him, confronting him on how he doesn't even know his own children and how no one will stand up to him. I was in awe of her courage. She was willing to "loose her job" by standing up to him because she felt so passionately about the children how they needed to be loved. She didn't cower down when he told her no. She wasn't afraid to say what she had done or how she had conducted herself. 

A couple of years ago I picked up a book at Target and devoured it in a few nights. It was The Peach Keeper by author Sarah Addison Allen. It's a story centered around two very strong women. But at first they are passive and complacent in their lives. Paxton, one of the girls learns to speak up for herself and create a new life apart from what is expected of her. There's so much more to the story, but it struck a chord with me. I immediately bought the rest of Allen's books and they are all filled with wonderful, strong, complicated and amazing women characters. (I haven't picked up her new book, Lost Lake, but will very very soon.) 

Another character that I love is C.J. Cregg from the West Wing. I love that character so much that when I was in college, I began the track to become the Press Secretary for the White House. I wanted to be her when I "grew up." I actually met Allison Janney once and told her that, her response was that it was a very hard job and that women should strive for those goals. 

My sister and I at Christmas

I acknowledge that there are strong real women today making differences. My older sister is one. She is a great attorney and has an amazing family at the same time. I honestly don't know how she does it. I am in awe of her every day. 

I have noticed that there are so many wonderful women in our pop culture--doing amazing things. But then why are most of the real women in my life so timid and scared to stand up for themselves? What ideas have we been told or what has happened to not believe that we can dare to do better?

 When did being a strong woman meant that you were a bitchy woman? In my mind I feel like I can either be caring and loved or a bitch. But there is a middle. There can be a woman who is strong and confident and will be loving and caring too. We don't have to be one or the other. In fact all the strong women mentioned above, although mostly fictional, were not mean spirited or rude or harsh. They were passionate and stood for something, mostly themselves. 

I look at some of the women around me in my life and I see people who are waiting for life to happen to them. I see movies where women are always secondary characters. I see women waiting for their Prince Charming to come and rescue them. I see women as victims of circumstance.

When did I become like that? What happened to where I just went along with whatever people were saying? That I just batted my eyes, smiled and went along with what everyone else was doing? No more. I will be strong in my faith. I will stand up for what I believe. No one--NO ONE can tell me that what I think or how I feel is inferior to their way of thinking. My opinions and my thoughts ARE valid. 

As I write this, a few men in my life (past and current) come to mind, and I can recall situations where I've been told that I'm wrong for feeling certain ways about things, big and small. That's what happened. I worked so hard to please others that I compromised who I was. I compromised myself into a small version of who I am. Maybe this is too personal, but there it is. I have become too afraid to stand up and say, "No, it's not OK for you to talk to me as if my thoughts don't matter." "No, you cannot tell me what to do. I tell me what to do. I'm an adult." "No. I am not responsible for your feelings-so I will not be afraid to tell you what I think." I became afraid that if I said/say those things then people wouldn't like me. That they would walk away. My confidence was shaken and let me tell you, it's probably why most of those men are no longer in my life anymore. Oh but did they leave an impression. And no longer will I let that dictate my words or actions.

Maybe because I'm experiencing this revelation in my life I'm finding strong, courageous, passionate women in what I watch or what is out there. I follow an NPR blogger named Linda Holmes. She is passionate about women in media as demonstrated by this blog post from last June. Linda, though you will never read this, please know that I admire you. You are strong and funny and kind. I am so grateful for your blog and podcast and thank you for, at least, subconsciously teaching me that I am worth standing up for. My subconscious was probably processing all of this long before I watched Sound of Music last week, but that's when it surfaced. 

So here it is. Find good people in your life, real or fiction, that you can look up to. That you can strive to be more like. Not in a fantasy way, but in a way that will bring out the very best of you. Women, be strong, confident, kind and courageous. We should not be afraid. If we are afraid of speaking our mind around certain people, then those people are not for us. Let that be portrayed more in movies and TV and books. May those women be celebrated and admired. May those be the women that girls want to be when they grow up.

Know that you are wonderfully and beautifully created. That you have a purpose, and who you are and what you are passionate about are important. If to no one else other than yourself, know that God created you to love and passionately care for that. So thank God everyday for making you-YOU. 

Thanks God, for bringing me back.

Moments

In my adventure here in Colorado, I have found a new church. Mission Hills Church is great! The worship is all about God and the preaching is challenging and relevant. There is a genuineness that I have missed in church for a long time.

Since I've discovered a new church home, I've felt my heart aching to get back into being with youth. I recently tweeted that I miss all-nighters. Who would've thought that?!?! So I contacted the church and I'm currently in the process of becoming a volunteer again (YAY!).

I miss all-nighters and mountain dew comas. #youthministry #youthpastor #bestjobintheworld
— Janel C (@janelc1228) January 3, 2014

One of the questions on the application is "What are some significant events in your life that have impacted you spiritually?" As I began to think about significant spiritual events, here is what I came up with, and I wanted to share it with you.

-Going to Camp in High School and learning that God wanted a relationship with ME.

-Urbana Mission Conference where I heard God calling me to Youth Ministry.

-Going to Biola and realizing what it was that I truly believed and not settling for what I had been told to believe.

-Going to a Youth Specialties Conference and hearing God call me into full time ministry.

-Going on a mission trip as a leader and having my heart broken for the less fortunate in downtown LA.

-Going to Mexico as a leader and having students teach me about the area and being led by them.

-Being surrounded by love from my friends as my time as a Youth Pastor came to an end professionally and through that love, knowing that God was always going to care for me.

I haven't made a list like this in a long time. I ended up making a list of significant spiritual moments in my life that defined me, instead of moments that happened in my life and how those shaped my spiritual life. I'm not going to lie, I cried as I wrote this list. I wept for missing those who were there, for missing those memories. How I hadn't thought of those moments in a long time. But mostly I cried because I realized that God was there at every moment. That my life is defined by what God does. Beautiful. 

I encourage you to make such a list. I think I will print it and place it somewhere I can see each day, to remind me of God's faithfulness. 

Happy New Year.

#JanelsBigAdventure2013

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you might have noticed that I have been on an adventure. Well at least, that's how I'm stating it. My job recently moved from Southern California to Denver, Colorado, and I trusting God's providence moved away from home for the first time in my life. So now I'm a southern California girl living in the mile high city. Having lived within the same county my whole life, changing states, altitude and climate would be an adventure to anyone. Instead of being scared or regretful, I've chosen to see this as my Big Adventure and therefore, it cannot fail.

Adventures can be scary, tumultuous, hard and difficult, but adventures are never bad. I don't believe one could regret going on an adventure. Adventures are full of new experiences and memories. They shape a person's being and so this move, has been my great adventure. And here, I will write about it, vent about it, cry through it, laugh about differences and overall experience all this adventure has to offer. At the end of the day, if I find, that this is not where I should be or I don't like it, I won't regret making the decision to come here. I will always have home to return to.

In this day and age, I'm so grateful for technology and being able to stay in contact with everyone at home. I couldn't imagine moving here and not being able to FaceTime with my family and friends, or being able to document first experiences through Facebook or Twitter. I've been so enamored with snow too. I've been in snow before, but having to do everyday things, like cook, drive to work, run errands around when snow falls, it's all so new. And I know I've been posting about it a lot, but I think that when it becomes a way of life, you notice new things about it. Like who knew it was so quiet? I think I'll do a whole post on snow sometime, but for now, it's amazing!

So now this blog will have a new section. The Colorado Adventure. I will still continue to blog about travel and food and wine and singing (don't worry--I'm still going to be part of the Harborlites Chorus). But there will be posts about seasons and snow and why Denver doesn't have street lights--really Denver??

Look for #JanelsBigAdventure2013

National Park Adventures: Joshua Tree

Disclaimer: This was written several months back, but was never posted. So now I bring you the original post:

I visited a National Park I had never been to before: Joshua Tree National Park.

I have for a while now, wanted to visit this National Park. When I was in High School our youth group would go rock climbing there. Being the girly girl--and not really the athletic type, that did not appeal to me and so I'd never go. It was after High School that I began to fall in love with the parks, and really that love has grown over the last few years having discovered my love of camping.

A friend of mine wanted to go to Joshua Tree to see the meteor shower a few weekends ago. I do not do well in heat, so the idea of camping in the desert was not first on my to-do list. Yet it was with a friend, whom I love dearly, and we were going to see the meteor shower. So I packed up my stuff and away we went!

I cannot describe the excitement I felt when we pulled up to the gate--which, by the way, you get to by driving through a neighborhood--WEIRD. I know that people romanticize the national parks, but there really is something so beautiful about a piece of our land, set aside, not for resources or for profit, but to just enjoy the beauty, AND at an affordable price that anyone can pay. God Bless the USA.

Our tent in a great spot!

Sunset from our viewing spot. 

When we got to the campground we had to find a spot--it was first come, first serve, and I think we found a pretty good one. The only downside to our camping site was that we were at a campground with no running water. There's only a few sites with running water and those fill up fast. I was the only girl on the trip, and guess who was the expert in putting up the tent? That's right, ME! After the tent was put up we found a great spot high on a nearby hill to set up our camping chairs for the meteor shower.

I went to the top of the hill and started journaling with a glass of wine in my hand. Such a peaceful place. Watching the sunset happen all around was a wonderful, peaceful time, which I had been craving.

Overall we had a great time and the sky was beautiful. We didn't stay up ALL night, because well we were tired, or at least I was. Saw many meteors but wished I had seen more. Isn't that always the way?

Beautiful Cactus with the mountains in the background.

The worst part of the trip, for me, was the next morning. I so badly wanted to make breakfast burritos for the guys, but I woke up with a terrible headache. So we packed up early and drove through the park and saw wonderful sites. There was a cactus garden, old mining sites and great rock formations. I was the encyclopedia in the back seat reading about everything as we were driving by it. It's really a very beautiful National Park. I was awestruck by how many colors there are in a desert. Truly a wonderful sight everyone should see.

Next time I go, I will try to go in the winter when it's not so hot and when I can really enjoy the park and go rock climbing. And I will be staying at a campsite with running water... that's a must next time for SURE!!

National Parks

Sorry it's been a few weeks. Lots going on right now (don't worry, I'll tell you about it later). 

In the last few years I've grown to really appreciate America's National Parks. When I was a child, my family would vacation in Yosemite often and I loved it. But as and adult I've learned their history and really been loving the nature and the preserved wildlife. My love of the national parks grew when I began camping.

One of the first times I went camping, I was in Yosemite. We were camping in the Wawona campground. I can remember waking up to birds singing, seeing deer drinking across the river, staying up late talking around the campfire, sitting and talking with my friends around the campfire. But the best part is the relaxing. The enjoying your surroundings and just taking a break from everything.

Camping in Wawona along the river.

That's what's so wonderful about the National Parks. They are places where you can go and purposefully not encounter the outside world. You see these amazing wonders. The Yosemite Valley with the beautiful granite walls scattered with waterfalls. The Grand Canyon with the colorful rocks and never ending canyon.

Yosemite Valley

Grand Canyon

All of this leading up to this weekend. I will be going to Joshua Tree National Park to view the Meteor Shower this weekend. It's a National Park I have not yet been to and I'm excited to add it to my list. It's also been some time since I've been camping. Oh to be in nature again--granted it's a desert, but nature is nature! I hope to see the great rocks of Joshua Tree and the Joshua Trees themselves. What's so wonderful too, is the benefit of being in a National Park is the star gazing and experiencing the wonders of the heavens, without the interference of city lights. The views should be great! This fall I will be seeing Arches National Park and Rocky Mountain National Park too. And I'm sure you'll hear about all of them.

But now I've gotta go pack and get ready--cuz I'm going CAMPING!!!

Fall in July

Since lately my blog has consisted of a lot of the "sing!" category I thought I'd write today about the EAT part.

I love food. Oh do I love food. I love cooking and baking and sharing meals with my family. Last weekend I had the opportunity and time to just spend the entire day in the kitchen, testing out some recipes I've been wanting to try.

Huge smiles all around.

One of my favorite food blogs is The Girl Who Ate Everything. She is smart and clever. The posts on her blog range from new dishes to everyday cooking reinvented. I find myself loving the new twists on classics and I often will think to myself "Why didn't I think of doing that!?" Her recipes are easy to understand and she posts great pictures of what she cooks and the steps. I love that.

In the fall of 2011 she posted a recipe for Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins and looking through my Pinterest page last week, they looked so tasty, I just new I had to make them. I know it's the middle of summer and we usually don't eat pumpkin until October, but I figured, why not?! I went to the store hoping to find pumpkin and of course it was there. As I was checking out of the store with the pumpkin and other food for the weekend, the cashier asked "What are you going to make with the pumpkin?" I told her "Pumpkin muffins. I don't want to wait until fall. I love the flavor so why wait!"  She heartily agreed and we began to share our love of fall. I went home to make them, and as they were baking in the oven, a thunder storm rolled in. It was a perfect day!

End result of the Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins

They were a little time consuming but delicious and I will make them again. I brought them to work this week and they are all gone--so that says something!

Lesson of the Day: Don't wait for the season to enjoy your favorite flavors! It's possible to have those things all year round and I say, indulge!

After speaking with co-workers, friends, and the nice cashier at the store, I realized that we all love pumpkin flavored things. We love peppermint ice cream. We love strawberries in winter. So go out there and cook what you want when you want it.

It'll make you happy.

Happy Eating!

Shine Like Stars

Last Thursday I got to see some old friends Shine Like Stars. My friend Dale and his wife Ashley lead this amazing worship band at City Life Church in Wichita.

They began leading this band at our old church, and then they were called by God to move to Kansas. I have missed them terribly, especially because when they moved Dale and I were working together at the church and we had become good friends.

Shine Like Stars leading worship

For the last few weeks, they were touring the western part of the US and they have had quite the adventure (you can read their blog here). By the time they reached LA, they had already replaced all 4 tires on their RV at least once, due to flats in one form or another, and then their RV's transmission was shot. They were scheduled to play in Colorado last week, but weren't able to make it due to the RV being out of commission.

Our very good friend Daniel arranged for them to have a concert in Orange County. Now I don't really like using the word "concert" for what we experienced on Thursday night. It was a worship experience. They lead us all in singing worship music, that they had written most of, but it was amazing. I attended with a woman I had worked with at the church, and as we were pulling into the parking lot we saw another family that we knew, and it turned out that a lot of the people in attendance were from our old church. It was a great reunion.
As their set started, I was immediately transported back to our old church 6 years ago. It was an overwhelming feeling of opportunity, happiness and nostalgia. They played well and filled the space. They played one of my favorite songs, Just a Place. It's message is so wonderful--Christ's Church should not just exist on Sunday Mornings or in a building, but Christ's Church should be in all we do and everywhere. Here's a video I shot of them doing this song... sorry it's a little rocky--I was into the music!

If you haven't seen or heard of Shine Like Stars I encourage you to check them out. They currently have a video on rotation on the Gospel Channel and their song is being played in a few states across the country, but it should be everywhere.

They are good people and it was wonderful to see and worship with them again. I've really missed them.

And while you're at it, buy some of their music on iTunes too (I'm in the recording of Gospel Song--I'm just saying).

Saving Mr. Banks

I wasn't going to write today. I wasn't feeling inspired. And I just posted what I had written yesterday. I don't want to overwhelm you with blog posts all of a sudden, but then I came across the trailer for Saving Mr. Banks.

For those of you who don't know, I love Mary Poppins. It is my number one movie. I own a lot of Mary Poppins paraphernalia. My bedroom is decorated with my Mary Poppins records, paintings and more. I own all the books and I've read them and loved them. If you haven't seen the movie in a long time, or since you were a child, go see it again. It's beautiful.

This trailer is so great! I cannot wait to see this movie. I love the look of it, the cast, the music, the humor, the heart. I really hope the movie lives up to it, I'm sure it will.

Ok so here's the plan everybody! We watch Mary Poppins, then we go see the movie on Opening Night. Who's with me?

And really if we can, we should see if it's playing at Grauman's Chinese Theater, you know, since the original Mary Poppins premiered there. Do they still show movies there? Is it still called that?  Things I must look into before December.

So... What's new?

I'm so glad you asked!  I figured since it has been awhile since I was blogging I should update you on where I am at and what I'm up to.

I am now and Auntie to 6 amazing kiddos. They are my world and I love them so dearly. There truly is nothing better than being an Auntie. Yes, I am Auntie Janel. The oldest, my nephew, is starting High School in the fall and nothing will make you feel older or more of a spinster than a nephew starting High School and you're feeling like you're in the same relationship status as him. Is that weird? And that should mean that you understand that yes, I am still single--let's not go down that road just yet. I talk and email and text a lot of my nieces and nephews now, which is also weird, but great! I love that I have a relationship with them outside of seeing them at holidays. Each one is so amazing and bright and adorable and unique and if they asked me for anything, I'm sure I'd melt and do whatever they needed. They have my heart.

I've been living on my own and really making great food (see future posts) and falling in love with cooking and baking more than ever. My biggest challenge is candy making. I just can't do it. I should show you pictures--I don't have any, but the next time I attempt it (because someday I will master candies) I will be sure to share with you my disaster. In living in my own place I've also taken up some crafts and sewing projects here and there. Those happen a lot less often than I'd like and I'm currently working on making that a more consistent thing.  I now live with a roommate and we get along great--it's working out really well for both of us. Our apartment is nice and I love living there.

Last year I stopped being a youth pastor--there were changes at the church I was at, and now I currently am an Office Manager for a local company. Except they are moving to Denver next month so I'm now looking for a job again. In the last year I've discovered that you really can't take the ministry out of the girl so I'm looking at getting back into ministry. If you know of something in Southern California, let me know! I love the people I work with and I'm going to miss them a lot, but I think I need the push to get back to what God has called me to do.  That's currently a big theme in my life--"What Direction Should I Be Facing?" Journaling and talking to friends about that one...

But probably the coolest thing I've been up to is my new hobby. I am now a member of Sweet Adelines International and I sing in the Harborlites Chorus. It is the coolest thing I have ever done. For those of you who don't know, Sweet Adeline's is an organization of women who sing barbershop music. Yes, you read that right. I sing barbershop music. Our chorus is made up of over 100 members and last year at the International Competition, we placed 3rd! So... we're kinda a big deal.. I'm just sayin'. My first International and I got a medal. I was pretty excited. My mom sings in the chorus too, so it's a great opportunity to spend time with her. She and I have grown closer and it's wonderful. Here's a picture of us in all our sequined glory:

Ok.. Ok here we are singing... It's pretty fun! I'm in the 2nd row on the right end.

When people talk about Sweet Adelines as a hobby, I kinda chuckle to myself. It's so much more. It's something fun to do; it's a growth opportunity; it's hard work; it's expensive; and it's the best decision I ever made. I only wish I had found it sooner (which, by the way, is what everyone says when they join--because it's true!)

So that's new with me. I thought I'd close this post with a list of a few things I've discovered over the past few years that I love. 

My favorite guys to listen to in the morning: Kevin and Bean on KROQ

My favorite podcast: Pop Culture Happy Hour from NPR

My favorite TV Shows: General Hospital (don't judge. It's the best show out there), Phineas and Ferb & anything on Food Network (that hasn't changed)

I love camping now, and you'll probably hear a lot about it. I love National Parks almost more than anything. 

And of course,

USC Football is still the best thing around.  

What's new with you??

A New Beginning

As I rediscovered this blog yesterday, I began to read through some of the old posts and it really made me miss sharing my thoughts and vents and basically the everyday things that would happen to me. I started thinking how great it would be to have the last few years as a blog and a little bit of regret started to seep in.

Regret has increasingly become an overarching theme in my life in the last few years. I've found myself wishing I could go back to when the grass seemed greener--I've found myself wishing I could change parts of who I am or what I've done. And then I instantly I think of where I am now and how, eventhough I'm not fully happy or satisfied with where I am, I wouldn't change any of it.

I had a conversation with my sister last night. We were talking about how we wish we could go back and tell our younger selves what to avoid and what to make sure to do, and what we would change about our lives. And then in the middle of saying all of that, I thought,

"But I don't want to change any of my experiences."

All of those experiences are what make us who we are today. Yes I wish I had written more of it down, but when it comes right down to it, I know I have pictures documenting it all.

Do you ever think that Marty McFly regretted going back and changing his past? Do you ever think that after that whirlwind 3 weeks where he travels all over (because let's face it, all three movies do take place over 3 weeks happening in about a 48 hour timeline for Marty).. do you think the next week when he's at school, he thinks, "Man I really miss how my sister and brother and I were closer before I changed time..." or do you ever think he tries to reminisce with a family member and they don't have any idea what he's talking about because they never experienced that? these are things I think about

Our experiences, good and bad, make us who we are. There are tons of memes all over Pinterest that remind us of that. Like this one and this.

And what made me stop? Why did I not continue writing, honing my writing skills, expanding my vocabulary? My guess is that it became so much easier to express my daily observations and thoughts on Twitter and Facebook. That has become the blog of today, well almost yesterday, we are, as a culture, I think getting a little bored with both.

I enjoy Facebook. I enjoy Twitter. But there really is nothing like writing long posts that can only come as my mind develops these thoughts.

So where does that leave us. With regret? No. With hope. I hope I can keep this up again. I hope that I can continue to tell you something about me. About what I think. I hope you can agree or disagree with me on issues I bring up and discussion happens. I hope we can celebrate great new things together.

So here it is. A new beginning. I am blogging again world!!! My thoughts are now out there again.

And I hope they make you smile.

Who knew!?!

What?!! I have a blog??? OH YEAH... I totally forgot about it. Hmmmm maybe I'll start posting again... Maybe.

Thanksgiving Poem for your evening:

I Ate Too Much Turkey
by Jack Prelutsky

I ate too much turkey,
I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie,
I'm stuffed up with muffins
and much too much stuffin',
I'm probably going to die.
I piled up my plate
and I ate and I ate,
but I wish I had known when to stop,
for I'm so crammed with yams,
sauces, gravies, and jams
that my buttons are starting to pop.
I'm full of tomatoes
and french fried potatoes,
my stomach is swollen and sore,
but there's still some dessert,
so I guess it won't hurt
if I eat just a little bit more.

Claudia Jean

-This post was originally published in Nov. of 2011-

My Nana passed away a week ago. She was an amazing woman who was my biggest cheerleader and I hope to be just like her someday. I love her so much and miss her terribly. Below is what I said at her memorial service this weekend.

My Nana was an amazing woman. She was everything we should all strive to be. She truly cared for everyone and everything.

I remember so many times as a kid not wanting to go and help with meals on wheels, or cleaning the back bay or even one time we had to wash dried peppers for a group and our hands smelled for days. But now I treasure those memories because I realize that she was teaching us to give of ourselves. To take time for all in our lives.

She taught me how to be an independent woman who is strong and confident. She taught me to go after my dreams and supported every part of who we, her grandchildren, are. She went to every soccer game, dance recital, choir performance she could. Nana even came to my 8th grade promotion assembly, which was really only for 8th graders... but she was there.

But what I also remember is how much she loved. She loved all of us, and everyone she met. She loved. She loved me so much that she took me to my first USC football game. Yes. She knew I loved USC football and wanted to go to a game and she put aside that I didn’t become a CAL fan and we went to a game in the coliseum. Granted it was USC vs. CAL and I had to sit in the CAL section, but when we got there, she and I went and she bought me my first USC sweatshirt. From then on it was our thing. I’d call her every Game Day to say “Fight On!” and she’d say “Go Bears.”

She loved us for who we are and supported us fully. She taught me how to love others, and give of myself and serve those in my life.

So thank you, Nana. Thank you for all you gave me and taught me. For loving me and all of us.

She taught me so much and I could talk about her for days.

Thank you, for everything I know...

Defeat

"I need help." Those are the hardest words for me to say. I am a person who likes to do all things on their own. I like to control how things are done (especially at work) and I can't delegate. I want to, I just don't. I feel bad. I feel like I'm a hindrance to people. I feel like they roll their eyes and say, "What does Janel want now?" Or "Yeah, well, I'm in the middle of going through something, too. I don't have time for your problems." I feel like it makes me seem annoying. Like I'm too much of a problem for them. RIght now, I just want to shout, "I NEED MY FRIENDS! I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE FOR ME!!! I NEED PEOPLE TO COME AROUND ME AND HUG ME."

Youth ministry is very lonely sometimes. You're always on. You're always caring for your kids, and don't get me wrong, it's a joy to do it, but no one cares for you. No one comes to you and says, "What can I do for you?" "Hey, can we take over youth group this week, because you need to have a day off." You have to be careful what you say to parents and to the pastors. You don't want them to think you're not strong enough to care for the students, or that you're ungrateful for the job. You want them to trust you, that you can keep your cool when the kids are going crazy or going through stuff. Sometimes I think they think that youth pastors are to be like Jesus. Maybe pastors feel this way too... I don't doubt it.

I think it's really hard for me, having grown up in the church I now work at. Having been cared for by the congregation, but now I don't feel like I can ask them to care for me since I am caring for their youth. I don't get to go to service anymore and be spiritually fed. I don't have a small group, I run one of Jr. High girls. I don't have peers because all my adult interaction is with a handful of college kids, going through their own thing. No one reaches out to youth pastors.

I want to say to my friends, "I need you. Can you come over? Can you just let me cry to you for 30 minutes?" But how can I call people that never call me? How can I ask for them in this time of feeling defeated, when they're hardly there on normal days? And then there are those who live so far, and I don't talk to often, but I know I just want to hear from them, because I know they are the only ones who can help. How do you contact people like that?

I need rest, but I'm so lonely at home, that it makes it worse. How is it that the one thing I need, is so expensive? That the church can't even help out, because they don't understand the difference between taking days off and going to conferences to feel renewed and spiritually fed. That they just assume you are because you teach twice a week.

Even when I cry to God, he says, "Wait, Janel.... just wait." Ok God, but I'm going down and fast.


So I need help. I need care. I need support. I need a hug.


For I am defeated....

How Can you Help IPC Jr. High?

Look what I did:

Sean Riedl

I just wanted to write a little about a young man named Sean. Sean was a fun, bright star that always brought laughter to all around him. One of my first memories of him was when he was in the Jr. High group. We were making videos that were parodying the "Real World" and he played a boy named "Winky." That name stuck. We called him that from then on. He was small and in fact was fired from his first job at Subway because he was too small. He would be a boy who was a distraction to a youth group, but would keep the leaders laughing, so we couldn't ever really be mad at him. I remember playing "Parappa the Rapper" at his house and we'd laugh and laugh. He was one of those boys in the youth group that was always friends with girls and since I was a girls small group leader, he was always around. I loved hanging out with that group.

On Monday, Sean passed away unexpectedly. He was truly loved by all and that is apparent if you just look on his Facebook page at all the goodbye messages. He will definitely be missed by all who knew him.

I'm sorry we weren't as close in recent years, but I always felt a connection with him and that entire class. They have always been a good group of students, now adults, and I've loved to watch them grow.

For me... this has been one of the hardest things to wrap my mind around. As a fellow youth worker noted, it's so hard to outlive students. There are times, where nothing can prepare you for dealing with this. Even-though we weren't as close as we once were, I know that I always loved him as one of my kids. I ache at the thought of him being gone. Sometimes people ask me why I chose youth ministry over teaching Jr. High in public schools and it's because it's a much more intimate relationship with the students. I love them so much and I want to be a part of their lives--not just see them in the classroom but also in their lives, with their friends, family, their ups and downs. I want to know who they TRULY are. This has been so apparent these last couple days. That even-though we weren't close, it's so clear in my heart that I still cared deeply for him and I never stopped thinking and praying for him. And maybe it's through this loss that I know that these kids are not just mine in the two years they are in my youth group--I consider them my kids their whole lives. I pray that they all know this.

Lord,
I pray you be with the Riedl family. Be with Sean's brothers and help them to know that we all love them. Be with those who are morning the loss of their friend. Lord I also pray that you be with all my kids, everywhere, let them know that I love them no matter what! Thank you for being in control of our lives, for Lord we could not do this without you carrying us through the rough patches of our lives.

AMEN.

Nothing More Beautiful Than This: